Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Conspiracy theory

Reasons to believe the independent candidate for mayor is a ringer designed to split the anti-incumbent vote:

1. All of his endorsements are unverifiable.
2. Suckered the "veterans are never wrong" contingent, with cleverly worded military resume.
3. No one with a domestic record like that would think they could win unless they lived in Minooka.
4. Even the Young Republicans aren't stupid enough to send out that letter.
5. Didn't register with the Elections Board early enough.
6. Comically designed literature with his last name in Bold letters to suggest a link to local families with the same name.
7. No visible means of financial support.
8. Deletes unfavorable comments from his facebook page, so visitors think he's perfect.
9. Most campaign signs placed in public parkways.
10. Accused of city workers of campaigning while on duty, for an administration that they're supposedly unhappy with.
11. Tricked Adam Kinzinger into contributing $2300 to Muffler.
12. "Water bill" campaign plank distracts Bronco.